raw faith

19 12 2011

Christmas shopping is done.  It wasn’t too bad I suppose, and I didn’t spend a whole lot of time in the ‘field’ as I had my gifts sort of planned out beforehand.  It seems I had to buy for myself as well – my D200 doesn’t fit in my old bag so I picked up a used Lowepro (practically new) for $25 …and it’ll hold extra stuff for when I either do the bike or hike thing too.  I’ll take it when I head off to Tisdale for the Holidays, hopefully this Thursday, which means I have to make a few visits yet with some friends before I leave, and the week is winding down pretty fast.

The knee is getting better day by day.  I saw my Doc on Thursday and he thought things were fine.  Ditto with my physio visit on Friday.  It’s still sore to bend and is still swollen a bit on the kneecap area itself.  Like I say though, everyday is getting better.  I did the gym thing on Saturday as well (chest and biceps) but was gentle with the leg and made sure to wear my support tensor.  I stopped by the scale and noticed I’ve put on a few pounds too, and not the good ones.  That’s what happens when you stop moving for 3 weeks, and I still have another week to go before I can do some half-decent cardio.  I’m looking forward to that though.  Sweating …how’s that go again?

I subscribed to Alive Mind Cinema a while back and finally took the bait and splurged ($15 US …a great deal when you consider $20+ to go to a theatre these days, and you can keep the movie to watch later!) on one of their flicks – Raw Faith.  It’s a story about a unitarian minister (Marilyn Sewell) who comes to a delayed desire for love, and in doing so sacrifices her pulpit.  A matter of priorities I suppose.  It’s a nice documentary and one that tugs on the heart-strings.  What I enjoyed most about it was her honesty in regards to the Church, her role as a pastor, and of course her feelings on love and companionship.  The dialogs around her ideas on God were revealing as well.  I hope things work out for her though, as I happen to know a few things about being alone.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  There were a lot of wonderful quotes, but my favourite would be  …”Our love affair with the world begins with a broken heart.”

I have a bunch of tunes I need to get out too, and the motivation is waining again.  The whole physicalness of my place, my equipment and my skills are kinda in the way.  I’ve mentioned before that I need a change of scenery, but I’m not convinced that alone would solve the problem.  It’s hard to say.  Or maybe it’s not.

Lol, which means it’s hard to say.


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hank williams first nation

11 12 2011

“Somehow we can all do the things we have to do.”

One of my favorite movies seems to be Hank Williams First Nation.  It’s one of those slow-moving, subtle films that you need to be in the right mindset for. If you have your head filled with Hollywood then you’ll be somewhat disappointed.  It’s a story, but a story that needs you to commit to being a part of. Personally, it’s easy for me to get drawn into – from the sound of a skidoo to the boredom/frivolity of a bus trip. The characters are real and the situations they find themselves in are just as real. Life isn’t always excitement, adventure and intrigue. Nope. Those are things we desire when we lose interest in our own, and this film is as simply stated as it gets; it’s life …and life is filled with the small things that, in time, become so much more.

Screenshot from Hank Williams First Nation


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bums and stuff

23 11 2011

Here’s a great read on Lynn Margulis (from an Edge interview) who happened to have died recently.  I knew nothing about her or her work on symbiogenesis or her support of the Gaia hypothesis, but after hearing her explain some of the shortcomings in evolutionary theory I’m definitely going to be reading up on her ideas.  The concept that we humans are not so different from lesser ‘life’ on this planet has always been obvious to me.  I’ve posted a while back about Gaia and ‘value’ here, about similarities in life here, and lately on the idea that we function much like a fungus here, so to find that she views bacteria as the origin of ‘life’ (protoctist, animal, fungal, plant) kinda makes my day.  To also hear her describe how science too can get caught up in its own methodologies of sorts is wonderful.  She makes the comment “I try to focus on the direct observational aspects of science.“  Which, as far as I’m concerned, is all that matters in the end.  Speaking of direct observations…

I remember driving in my van one day and looking at an apple I was about to eat.  I’m not sure why, but I saw the base of the apple as oddly familiar.  It was kinda like a bumhole.  Really!  (Don’t make me post comparison pictures, please) …but it just seemed so obvious; the base was as such and the stem had to be the umbilical cord, the seeds the reproductive centre, the ‘flesh’ surrounding that and then finally the skin.  It was like a little person …minus the arms, head, face, legs, genitals and the ability to steal your parking space.  Heck, there’s even a ‘response’ that plants put out (click) that could be equated to what we categorize as pain.

Yep.  Life is vastly more complex than what we think it is.  And what we think though is exactly that; what we think, and to think that we’re somehow the center of it all is almost delusional.  Almost.

(note to self – find those ‘certified anti-delusional’ papers!)

What ...can those be Klingons I see?!


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sketchbook

28 10 2011

Cave of Forgotten Dreams.

I like that there’s certifiable evidence to the adeptness of man that reaches back 30+ thousand years.  I like that we’re able to recognize and appreciate these achievements and put safeguards in place to preserve these findings for future generations.  I like that technology mapped out the cave dimensions and plotted their spacial relationships down to the millimeter.  I like that nerdy scientists can laugh at themselves and admit speculation when called for.  I like that the past can still be found in the present even though the present seems to overwhelm the earth more and more each day.  All these things I like but sadly, they constitute a small part of the movie.

The lion’s share has Werner Herzog taking us on a spiritual journey of his own imagination.  We meet people who talk about the cave ‘speaking to us’ through its silence.  People who talk about the sounds the drawings make, and about the motion and movement of the animal representations we see.  We’re inundated visually through the sombre and largo-ish movements of flood lamps across the cave faces, and aurally bombarded with primitive dissonances in voice and strings, just past the point of pleasure.  It’s more than being invited to imagine …we’re forced to.

Although the cave itself conjures excitement and distant  thoughts to our ancestors way of life, Werner’s presentation goes beyond the design of a documentary I feel, and as a result, the historic findings themselves are overshadowed by his creative vigor.

Image from warnerherzog.com


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Tank Murdock

12 10 2011

Tank Murdock was a character in an old Clint Eastwood film called Every Which Way But Loose.  In the movie Clint Eastwood, who works his way up in the street fighting circuits, finally gets a chance to win the crown by taking out the current but aging champion, Tank Murdock.  During the main fight, Clint realizes that he’s about to win, but then, after hearing murmurs from the crowd that “He’s going to be the new Tank Murdock”, decides to throw the fight.  Essentially Clint makes the decision to not be the champion …not because being a champion isn’t a nice thing, but because he’d have to maintain that championship status by constantly fighting, and that’s not Clint’s bag so-to-speak.

I throw this at the roommate every so often as a joke -whenever I see someone either posturing for an advantage or becoming an outright ‘champion’ I’ll say “He’s the new Tank Murdock.”  And he laughs.  Lol, usually.  But that’s my ‘Tank Murdock Philosophy’ …that no matter what it is you do, there’s going to be someone else who comes along and one-ups you.  It’s inevitable.  And in the event that you maintain your crown, society will shift gears/priorities and relegate your accomplishments to something less current, which in effect marginalizes and tosses you to the annals of time where you eventually become incomparable to anything modern …losing almost all social relevance and the prestige you once enjoyed.  You’re still a champion of course, but just a lesser champion.

You can reach the top kids, but you’re destined for the history books …and there will always be a new Tank Murdock.

*sadly though, new Tank Murdock’s are often worse than the old.  but they’re new …and shinier!*


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hims and hers

7 10 2011

It seems Chastity has become Chaz.

In case you’re wondering, Chastity is (was) Sonny and Cher’s daughter ….and now she is Sonny and Cher’s son.  Well, Cher’s son that is, if you a stickler on details and consider Sonny’s death some years ago as relevant to him not being a father.  But that’d be weird.  What’s important is that Chaz it seems, underwent female to male gender transition recently (which physically transformed her from female to male) and she’s (he’s) making some headlines about it with his inclusion in everyone’s favorite dancing with the stars show …Dancing With The Stars.  And now you’re caught up ;)

I’m mentioning this story because a while back I picked up a book by Leslie Feinberg titled Stone Butch Blues.  An author of a blog that I follow mentioned that it was one of her favorite reads and I, not having enough crap to look at already, placed an order at a local bookstore (the library let me down …which is rare!) to check out.  To sum-up, it’s a story about a woman (Jess) struggling to be the man she feels she is while trapped in a woman’s body.  A somewhat semi-autobiographical account from Leslie (a pioneer in modern LGBT issues) about not just struggling with her own identity, but with where her identity fits in on this merry-go-round-world of human sexuality we seem to live in.  For most the choice is simple; male or female …and the give-away would be the obvious equipment you happened to have been given at birth.  But like most things, simple isn’t really simple and obvious isn’t always so obvious.  And it rarely is I suppose.  Nature isn’t the one who likes to operate in absolutes …that’s us.  Heck, we thrive on the stuff.

From my own experience, not only do I find there’s a lot of ‘gray’ when it comes to the many subtle characteristics that constitute a male or female physically, but there’s so much more when you look at behavioral characteristics.  I blogged about this a while back (here ….and again here) and I think it’s quite interesting how masculine and feminine traits are often scattered about both sexes.  Men who partially behave and look as women and women who partially behave and look as men.  There’s the stereotypical ‘man’ and ‘woman’ of course, but then there’s the substantial mix of the population that merges these together.  I can’t say for certain of course, but I’m assuming that when much of your life is confusing in terms of self-image and your ‘role’ as a male or female …well, that may be an indication that something is amiss.  And when you can’t control or make sense of what’s going on AND it feels more natural to be like the opposite sex, then that could be your cue that you may be in the wrong gender.  Like I say, I can’t say …but through the story Leslie reveals how some of these feelings can manifest.  Certainly the argument could be made that our bodies are not things we can choose and that we all have to work with what we have, but imagine never coming to grips with who you are physically.  Or imagine living life in ‘limbo’ so-to-speak.  Wouldn’t it be easier to simply be what it is you naturally feel you are?

And that’s the protagonist’s dilemma  …looking one way (kinda) but feeling another.  A lot of the book describes the different situations Jess finds herself in, the types of people she surrounds herself with, union and labor practices as well as shocking accounts of how justice/law agencies treated the gay community back in the 60’s and 70’s.  Eye-opening stuff for sure, but the better parts of the book for me were when Jess and some of the other supporting characters describe their feelings of isolation.  Of not fitting in.  And certainly these are universal emotions, but it was in these sections that I found a shared bond.  It’s here where you’re reminded that no matter how you appear on the outside, it’s our insides that make us human, not the way we look.  And when you happen to discount or categorize people based on their appearances then you, in a way, categorize or discount your own humanness.  Not the most attractive of features.

And so Chaz is human.  Duh.  Just as Chastity was.  And although inside they’re the same person, one thing is different; Chaz is finally comfortable with himself.

Sadly though, I still won’t succumb to watching the stupid show ;)

Chastity with her little buddy Jennifer Aniston in 1987. Image from warmingglow.uproxx.com


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one notch prettier

13 09 2011

I saw the movie The Future a few weeks ago and if you get the chance to see it, you should.  Some of it was about the routines we get ourselves into, and how these routines eventually take over our lives to the point that we barely question what it is we’re doing.  We just do for he sake of simplicity, and then one day kinda wake up to it.  One of the main characters, Sophie (played by Miranda July …who is writer and director as well) had the line “I wish I was one notch prettier…” while looking at herself and somewhat questioning her purpose in life.  It stood out for me -how we all tend to think that being beautiful would somehow cure us of our problems.  Of course that’s not the case, and if anything highlights even deeper issues …but I wanted to use the line, somewhere, so I wrote a song around it.  I also made a mental note to make a waltz out of it as well, as one of the film’s main tracks was one.  And so with those two prerequisites, off I went. *idiot note: the song wasn’t a waltz …but a lovely peggy lee/benny goodman version of  ’where or when‘ by rodgers and hart …lol, so much for memory*

It’s nothing that elaborate …some 1, some 5, some minor 6 and 2 …and then a 4 to pull things in.  I thought about a bridge of some sort, but then bailed because I’m lazy.  I did, strangely I might add, have the song about 20 bpm slower …but as much as I liked it at times, it kinda dragged so I went back to the tempo I started playing it in at the beginning.  As for lyrics, they’re supposed to be reaffirming …but at some places they’re a little too outside I think.  For my tastes at least.  The whole ‘stars’ thing is supposed to be in reference to our lucky stars …but if I hadn’t said it here then you probably wouldn’t have got it.  Anyway, it’s done.  Mission accomplished so-to-speak.

Click on the arrow below to play, download an Mp3 here (click) or find it in the Music New part of the blog as well.  And as per usual, if you’re looking to bring up all the posts with songs in them, type the phrase ‘i like slurpees’ into the search bar.  Technology …fascinating.

time marks its way
in lines here to stay
and you feel uncertain, again.

life doesn’t wait
for small or for great
and you feel uncertain, again.

it’s funny the way we remember,
counting our stars till the end.
just so you know,
as far as stars go,
you’re one notch prettier, my friend.

things happen fast,
love may not last,
but you shouldn’t worry, today.

the world comes around,
the lost become found
and you shouldn’t worry, today.

a mirror is just a reflection,
a picture is only pretend.
it’s not what you see,
just take it from me,
you’re one notch prettier, my friend.


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